A Runner

I was a runner. Not just an ordinary runner.
I am a runner.
And I'm a winner.

Ini cerita zaman sekolah rendah ajelah. Pelari untuk rumah sukan sekolah.

I'm born with extra-hyper-energy (that I believe still in me until today but not as much as the 7-12 years old me blessed with). Aku memang lasak habis. Aku pernah cerita aku pecah masuk pagar hospital. Tak ada kanak-kanak perempuan nak kawan aku. The girls yang jadi kawan aku cuma dua orang kakak umur 16tahun and I was 6. Lain semua lelaki. At one point of my life, I do believe my mom tak expect her daughter will be perempuan sejati like today. Alhamdulillah. Kalau tak, matilanaakkkk...

Masa 6 tahun tu jugak, kitorang pindah kampung and guess what, aku lagi lasak. Tapi yang bestnya duduk kampung, selasak-lasak kau masuk sawah padi, panjat pokok kelapa or main kejar-kejar satu kampung, there will always time for main kawin-kawin. Tapi aku tak pernah dapat role pengantin (menci arr). Tapi bersyukur jugak arr.. Kang time wedding sebenar, suami zaman kanak-kanak aku sampai acaner? Dah la kawin tak pernah cerai.

Okay, kita dah tersasar jauh dari cerita sebenar entry ni.  Kat mana tadi? Ah, I was a runner.

I was a runner and I was a winner. Aku suka sangat berlari. Aktif sungguh. Masa darjah 1, mana aku tahu ada pertandingan lumba lari. Mana aku tahu hari sukan tu apa. Cikgu suruh lari, aku laaaaari je.

I remember the first time I ran for saringan tahun 1, the blur me was told to run and I did run sepenuh hati with the other tahun 1 yang lain. Ala, comel.. I just ran and it was so nice when your body colliding with the wind. And everything around you seems so slow coz you are the fastest and bila kau pusing tengok belakang, semua orang dah jauh kena tinggal and you are the leading one.

Sedar-sedar dah kat garisan penamat. Dah lepas penjaga masa. And kau start slow down while waiting for the rest of your friends to reach the finishing line.

As I grew older, aku selalu masuk acara larian. I will win no matter what. Eventhough I'm not the first, I will still get the 2nd or 3rd. It was so great. Zaman kegemilangan.

Aku ingat saat kawan-kawan cuba berlari untuk potong aku and I was teasing them by slow down a bit but terus pecut when we are damn near the finishing line. I remember always looking back to see how far I've left people behind. I remember how fast the wind are, touching my face, my skin, my hair (masa tu free-hair lagi). And the thing I will never forget was my heart was aching, beating so damn fast and yes, I'm so fucking happy. I will trade everything to have that damn moment back.

I remember how free I was when I ran. I think of nothing and I'm one with the wind. God know how I miss that moment. God know how running make me feel so fucking free and I AM ME. Thats how I spend my hyper energy so well.

I hung up my jersey when I was 13. I leave the running life. The field. And THE FEEL. I'm focusing on academic and my new friends arent really sport-people. I do, once in my life feel like running is just wasting my time. And I thought I should learn to be more feminist and lady-like. My physical changed and I'm no longer a flat little lady. It makes me uncomfortable to run around with that new body. So just like that, my life as a runner end.

But to be fucking honest, I miss it a lot. Whenever I saw someone run, I kinda get that feeling. The wind and the speed. As if its hugging me. Saying hi to the old friend who will rudely collide them when she ran once upon a time. I dont have that stamina anymore. My hyper energy are wasted with disturbing friends a lot.

I miss running. I miss the wind. I miss the time when my heart beating fast and I was so fucking happy.

Life is like running too. You run so fast enjoy everything at that moment and when you look back, lot of thing have been left behind and there you are, at the finishing line.

I wish at the end of my life, I am as happy as I am on the field.

Why am I writing this? I dont want to lose the feeling.